........NO WAY!

My birthday is September 11, 1969. It used to be a happy day, a celebration. Around 36, it turned a little sour. I felt like I was starting to look older. I didn't like that at all!! To be frank, IT SUCKED! It still sucks because the years keep coming and they are packing wrinkles! Wrinkles that show how much I smile and laugh, ironic huh? My friends tell me I should be proud of those parenthesis. They show that I am a happy person. To this I say, bullshit! They show the world I am getting older and my face can't handle it! So filler up Doc!! I am not afraid of a little needle to the face, hell, I had my daughter completely a'naturale! (not by choice, the girl wouldn't wait for the epidural I so badly demanded, that NEVER came, and I am still mad about it!). My point? I can take the pain cause I am THAT vain! If I ever won the lottery, you wouldn't even recognize me to ask to borrow some cash! I would live in the Plastic doc's office. He would know me so well his kids will be calling me Auntie!
I just hope I would know when to stop. I wouldn't want to turn my face into the Lion Lady (google her, it's baffling!!) I know people say to be happy with what ya got, and I am! But what I got is going to crap! If you have an antique lamp you love and your kids have a Brady Bunch moment, even after you told them to not "play ball in the house", you would try to fix it back to it's original beauty, right? So what's wrong with doing the same thing to your face? I am not blessed with "good genes" like some people, so mama needs a little help. And there's a lot of help out there! Botox, Restylane, Juviderm, Radiesse.....cement mixed with glue (google that one too, it's a mind blower!), there are just so many options these days, and everyone is dong it MOM, so why can't I? I want to look 20 again, no?...Ok, 30? 35!! I will take 35! I am a superficial bitch when it comes to aging, I know this so you don't have to shake your head at me! I also am not saying that I am on any level a beauty queen, I just want to look young all the time, like Edward in Twilight! Lucky vampire bastard! He never has to wake up and look in a mirror and think "What's going on under my eyes?" Mainly because he can't even see himself in the mirror, but NOT THE POINT! I am approaching my mid forties, MID FORTIES, and it seems like I just woke up one day and here I am. I never even saw it coming! BAM...you are now 42, Happy Birthday here are your wrinkles, age spots and flab! ENJOY! Can't blow out the candles? Oh sorry, that's because you are out of shape now....and....ahem.. you should really back away from the candlelight, not very flattering for the bags under your eyes! Again, you're HOW OLD? Wow, ....well Happy Birthday bitch! You look great......for YOUR AGE. ( UGH I HATE THAT!)